My first thought was about Rhett. Can I feel him move this morning? Usually I feel him before I ever even give it a thought. Nope. Can't feel him today. Then the wondering begins. I had a routine check-up yesterday. Not a great appointment, although not a bad one either. Should have been a quick one, only measuring and checking blood pressure and his heartbeat. However, what should have been a 20 minute appointment tops turned into a 2 hour appointment. Yuk! When I go there to check in there were just a few people there so I had hopes I wouldn't have to wait long. After just a few minutes I was called up to the front desk and told I was a month behind on my payment. What? I've paid at each visit. Wouldn't you know, they had failed to mark one down. She asked me if I had a receipt from two months ago. Nope--don't make a habit of carrying around my receipt file with me. After telling her I could print off the bank statement from where I had paid by debit card two months ago she magically "found" it. By this point, my blood pressure is already a slightly higher. Then I return to my waiting chair to sit and wait and wait and wait. A family came in with two small children that were running everywhere. Now Brandon knows more than anyone when I go to the doctor I get a little uneasy and don't like to be talked to and don't like a lot of commotion around me. It adds to my nervousness. These kids were everywhere. Yelling, running, bouncing back and forth--being kids, I suppose. However, I am much better able to handle behavior like that outside of a doctors office. Blood pressure just a little higher now.
Finally an hour past my appointment time I am called back. First item of business, the dreaded scale. Yep! I knew it! BIG weight gain this month. 8 lbs in one month! Depressing, although a little expected. Rhett has really started sticking out there over the last week to two weeks. Back in the exam room, blood pressure--high. Of course! I've been accused of not paying my bill and had two kids running circles around me in the waiting room only to find out I've gained 8 lbs. Why would my blood pressure NOT be high? Rhett's heartbeat was great though at 165. His has consistently run higher than both my other boys. Nurse says he's "active". What and my other two are stoic? Don't think so. Doctor comes in (my least favorite doctor, by the way) and measures my belly and exclaims, "Hmmmm. That's strange." I'm thinking, ok...you do this for a living. Why is my situation strange? He tells me I'm dating (according to measurements) way ahead of schedule. He wants to do an ultrasound in two weeks to check for "issues". Now the word "issues" is just particularly alarming to me. It never means anything good in my experience. If someone has had "issues" with my children...if there are "issues" with a well pump..."issues" at work. All of this always indicates a problem to be dealt with. When I asked him what he could mean by "issues" he said, "Well, we just want to make sure he's not growing too big." Is there anyway to slow him from growing? Don't we WANT him to grow? I think normally I would be excited about another ultrasound and getting to see Rhett one more time before his arrival but the word "issues" has just totally taken the wind out of my sail. In my heart of hearts I know there is probably nothing to worry about. After all, there is a history of my growing a 9+ lb baby 5 years ago. I just assume Rhett is going to take after Lawson. Maybe we will even get the due date moved up and get to meet him a little sooner. I just ask for prayers that everything looks healthy and normal a week from Monday just like it did on April 2 when we saw him through ultrasound last time. Side note: I know I stated earlier in my post that I didn't feel him move this morning when I woke but he's kicking me as I type this so I know he's ok--just for those of you that may worry.
We have a busy weekend planned so those thoughts were racing as well. Everything I need to get done. The list seems to grow by the minute. We are having our Bible Class get-together at our house this weekend. It seems there is so much to do, but honestly, I just can't do it all. After all, these are my friends that we are having over and I just hope that as friends we understand and do not judge if we have an inch of dust sitting on furniture. I don't think any of them will think badly of me but as wives, mothers and women we feel the need for everything in the home to be perfect, don't we? My home is not perfect. I'm not the perfect housekeeper. Cleaning house is an uphill battle for me every time because if I start at one end of the house by the time I make it to the other end the end I've already cleaned is already messy again. What can I do? Throw my hands up sometimes, I say. My home is not spic and span, spotless. It never has been, never will be. It is home. It is where we laugh, play, love, argue, cry but are a family. It's so much more than walls and furniture that needs to be dusted. Much more than floors that need to be mopped and refrigerator that needs to be cleaned out. It is home and it is ours. Mine and my boys, big and little. It is our place and we love it dust and all. I think I know my friends pretty well and know that they can at least see it for that if they look past the dust. So all of you that are planning to be there Saturday night, leave your white gloves at home. You won't need them to find the dust this time. Ha! :)
Looking ahead I have something very special to look forward to. On Tuesday, June 3 I will have been married to my college (and current) sweetheart for 8 years! 8 years! Wow. It doesn't seem like it's been that long but in other ways I don't know what life was like without him. I don't want to know what I'd do without him. He goes unmentioned in much of my blogging--not intentionally or because he is less significant--quite the opposite. I think a mother just tends to talk more about her kids. But the love of my life is at home each morning taking care of his boys and at work in the evenings providing for us as a family. No one loves his family more, I'm convinced, than he does. I'm so thankful that out of all the people he could have chosen he picked me. I'm thankful for anniversaries and how they remind us and take us back to memories of that special wedding day. I think through life, kids, etc. we lose that feeling or the memory slips a little further back in our minds but this special day helps remind us of why we chose each other and why we are still choosing each other every day.
See...just what I told you. My mind is all over the place today. Maybe it's hormones today. I'm not sure what it is! Whew! I need a break though. :) Sorry for all the randomness in this posting today. Just one of those days. Just some thoughts I think I needed to get out there. Luckily for everyone, reading this blog is entirely optional and your personal choice so if you've been bored to tears you have no one to blame but yourself. Ha. :)
Today I'm thankful for little kicks that remind me a baby is growing inside of me...for two little boys that wouldn't let me leave for work this morning without "hugs and kisses"...for my husband of 8 years and sweetheart forever...for family (mom and dad in particular) that are helping me to get ready for the weekend..for another day I've been blessed with to have random thoughts racing through my head.
1 comment:
I wish I could do something to take all the craziness away from you. Know I love you and am praying for you daily!!
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