"Towards the end of a pregnancy, a mother will wake up to go to the bathroom every few hours. I think this is the body’s way of preparing you for a newborn and the sleepless nights that come along with it. Layla now spends most of her days sleeping. 30-45 minutes after she wakes up, she is ready to lay down and sleep again. Is this God’s way of preparing me for all the quiet time that is coming soon? The house is quiet. I am able to go through the motions of laundry, dishes, cooking and picking up without interruptions. But I WANT interruptions. I WANT Layla to be under my feet asking for cookies. I WANT to hear her playing with her toys. I WANT to take 45 minutes to unload the dishwasher because she keeps trying to help. For every time I uttered the words “I just can’t get anything done with these kids under my feet all day” I am eternally regretful. The days that I looked forward to naptime so I could get a grocery list made, or finally fold all the piles of laundry…I regret those days too. If I could do it all again, I’d enjoy EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT I had with her. I would never wish for her to sit still or take a nap or go to bed early. I would never look forward to the days when she could sit through an entire episode of Dora silently. I would treasure every second with her."
Hit me smack in the face. Especially after the night and morning we had. Just last night I was frustrated because my 18 mo. old decided he didn't want to sleep in his crib. He decided cuddling next to mama hit the spot and was a softer place to rest his head. Just this morning I was frustrated because he was underneath my feet grabbing for the tooth-brush, attempting to dunk it in the toilet, pulling the hair-dryer down on top of him, reaching for me arms wide open, grunting for me to hold him--all the while I'm trying to get the two older boys dressed for school, my hair dried, breakfast to everyone, lunches made and out the door to deliver snacks to Kindergartners and on to work on time. It was a crazy, hectic morning. I'm ashamed after reading about sweet Layla and what her parents must be feeling to have been selfishly frustrated with my healthy family. I'm ashamed that I take all those little things for granted.
The truth is if something happened to me or (God forbid) one of my precious kiddos I don't want to look back with regrets. I want to have soaked up every carefree, deliriously happy moment as well as the "not-so-great" moments. Because they are moments. Frustration fades. If we haven't made all the memories we can, won't those fade, too? That's why I want so many memories that it will take decades, or better yet, a lifetime for those memories to fade. I want to pour myself in to my kids and feel the completeness that we bring to each others' lives.
I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer. I'm just so, so sad for the family mentioned above. I can't imagine the horrific ordeal they are facing. Please pray for peace for this family and that they'll feel God's love and comfort during this impossible time.
So, in hopes of ending a sad post on a good note, please enjoy some pics I snapped this weekend of my fabulous, precious kiddos. Just a typical Saturday morning, hanging out, doing what we like to do--absolutely nothing. :) Hug your babies tight tonight and say a prayer of thanks!
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