Adventure

Well, if you are reading this hopefully I've made it safely to the Big Apple by now. As I'm writing this it is actually Tuesday night. I'm packed for my trip and I think most everything is in order. But I'm so keyed up right now I can't sleep. And what do you do when you can't sleep? Blog of course.

I don't do things like this. I hardly ever go anywhere without my husband and kids. I hate leaving them behind. However, they will not be going with me on this trip. And I'm terrified. I don't feel like I'm "grown up" enough to be doing this on my own.

I hate being paralyzed by fear, yet that's almost what I am right now. I don't like to fly. Not at all. Oh, sure, I know it beats driving for countless hours and statistically it is much safer than riding in a car and so on and so on. It doesn't make me less scared. But I'm going anyway. I'm going to suck it up and be a big girl. I'm not going to let paralyzing fear stand in the way of a trip of a lifetime. I'm leaving knowing that I've kissed my boys, squeezed them tight and assured them of how much I love them. I'm leaving my husband with warm fuzzy thoughts of a wonderfully simple and satisfying life I have with him. Everyone knows how much I love them and how much I will miss them. Truthfully, something could just as easily happen to me or Brandon or one of my boys here as it could if I'm somewhere else. So, I'm not letting my fear paralyze me. I'm going to fulfill a lifelong dream! Since I was a little girl I've always wanted to stand in front of that gigantic Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center and feel like a Whoville person because of it's sheer size! I get to make that dream a reality in just two days.

I get to be a grown up. I get to take my purse that will be full of grown up things and no baby/kid things. There will be no diapers in my purse (for the first time in around 6 years!) There will be no toys or crumbled up Goldfish snacks at the bottom. I won't have to dig for 10 minutes to find my wallet or chap stick. I'm going to wear big ear rings since I won't have to fear them being ripped from my ear lobes. I'm going to wear lipstick since I won't have to worry about it rubbing off on my boys' faces from kissing them. I'm going to eat my meal while it's still hot and not cut up anyone's food before eating my own. (Sorry girls! If you wanted you food cut up, you're out of luck! Ha.) Yep, I'm gonna be a grown up.

I'm going to be a grown up--who's missing those things she's getting away from. A grown up who will be more than ready to go back to her everyday average life when this adventure is over. Ready to kiss those sweet faces, take off the ear rings and fill the purse back up with Goldfish. :) Ready to see my husband's smiling face and feel his arms hug me tight. (At least I hope he's still smiling when I get back after being left with three boys for three days!)

I'm excited. But still scared.