Tomorrow is it. The day I send my baby off to Kindergarten. Well, not technically I guess, since he'll be coming back home with me and I don't actually leave him there tomorrow. Still, tomorrow is the first official day. This is the day that I've dreaded since Lawson turned one and I realized that, in fact, babies do grow up.
Lawson couldn't be happier. He really is excited about going. I'm so thankful for that. Since the end of pre-school last year he's been pointing to the elementary school building each time we drive by reminding us that that is where he'll be going soon. As if I needed a reminder...
Lawson should have a good year. Everyone tells me he has an EXCELLENT teacher (I just can't officially voice an opinion as I have not known her for longer than the 20 minutes we were with her at Kindergarten orientation--although she seems like a wonderful person). He is in a classroom with several friends he already knows or attends bible class with.
So why am I sad? **Just want to insert here that Lawson does not know that I'm sad. I've been very careful to keep those emotions hidden from him. I don't want a wonderful experience for him to be tainted or skewed by my personal feelings.** But, back to the question at hand, why am I sad? Why be sad when he's so happy? Is it that I don't like him growing up? I do want him to learn and grow and thrive...Is it that I'm sad that I'm growing up (dare I say **old**)? Maybe a little. But more than that I think that it's more that I feel like I haven't had enough time with him. Or like I just blinked or turned my head for one second only to look back around and find him running from diapers straight to elementary school. I think in ways no matter how much time we get with our kids, on some levels, it will never be enough.
But am I dwelling in self-pity? A little. Yes. Ok. Enough. Tomorrow is an exciting occasion. Tomorrow I get to send him off to school to be a bright spot in someone else's day. I've been selfish with those enough. Time to share him. Time to let others see what a blessing he is. Time for him to shine and make new friends. Time for him to grow and learn and thrive even more. That's it. I'm DONE with my pity party. I want to be excited WITH him and not DESPITE him. I've made up my mind! Could someone please convince my heart? :\
4 comments:
Arika - you are so right. You have every right to be sad, but more importantly, you can't let that put a damper on the new chapter in his life that is opening. School opens up so much. He will love it and so will you!
Oh . . . .We made it though! Hang in there, dear! We will ALL make it!
It's hard to let them go...but if he's happy and excited, that's a GREAT thing! It shows you are giving him wings to fly in this big world!
I can't wait to see pictures of the many school adventures Lawson will have. You are a great mommy!! Hang in there. I'm sure Lawson will do great in school!!
Post a Comment