6 years ago

It was six years ago. Right about this very time. I was returning from a walk around my neighborhood with my mom and husband. One of those MANY walks that was supposed to induce labor. I was two days overdue. And big. And miserable. And SO ready to meet the blessing that would forever change my life in ways that, then, I could only imagine.

We came in from our walk and I began getting ready for my dr appointment that I had hoped I wouldn't need--because I was SUPPOSED to have already had a baby. My mom went with me to that dr visit that day. Me in tears and an emotional wreck. This baby was not coming out! Nope! He had just decided to stay in there in the comfy (albeit crowded) confines of the womb. I walked in to the dr office, climbed up on the table and burst into tears as soon as the dr walked in. You see, we didn't know it at the time but the baby inside of me was 9+ lbs! It was hot July and I was swollen and I swear if one more person had looked at me and given me the, "Awwww, bless your heart!" I might have knocked them to the next state.

That poor doctor. There I sat sobbing. Letting him know that I could not go another day with this baby in my belly. He patted me on the back and told me he would check me and hope for some progress. Still at 4 cm. I had been at a 4 for three weeks. I sobbed more and he politely told me that hopefully it wouldn't be too much longer--and that on the bright side, I would only have to dilate one more cm before getting my epidural. I know he meant that to cheer me up but honestly all I could think was that I bet the epidural wouldn't last the next 14 years that this baby would be stuck inside me! He told me that unless we had a baby they would see me back in a week and would talk about inducing then. And I left. Still sobbing.

On the way home from that appt I began hurting. Was that a contraction? I wouldn't know. This was my first baby. My mom put her hand on my belly and after feeling how hard it was felt pretty confident that I had begun having contractions. The whole way home I hurt. Should we turn around? No. Didn't have my bags in the car. (Must have intuitively known the dr wouldn't keep me that day.) So, home we went. We began timing contractions. Steady. Closer and closer. Around 6:00 my brother came over and we told him we would probably head to the hospital soon. He made a quick run to McDonald's and then we set out on our way. Jordan drove me to the hospital (begging to speed and use flashers) and Brandon met us there.

Honestly, the rest of the night is mostly a blur. I do have some vivid memories--some good and some not so good. It was a hard night and an even harder morning the next morning when I still didn't have a baby but had been through three epidurals that kept wearing off. I don't remember a lot about being taken back to surgery. I do remember my mom crying while trying to look like she wasn't concerned or worried sick. I remember the nurses telling my mom to get my dad in there if he wanted to see me. At that moment I thought I might not make it out of there the way they were talking. I barely remember the surgery. I do remember the moment they lifted my baby boy out of my belly and the rush of emotions that had built up over the past 9 months and had only escalated over the previous night. The doctor walked around the curtain with my new baby boy in hand and all he could say was, "Would you LOOK at the size of this boy???!!! He's PERFECT!!"

That was the beginning. The beginning of a love that I can't describe or explain, but once you have it you just glow with it. I didn't think it was possible at the time that I could love him any more yet here I am 6 years later, loving him even more. That love has made it worth it all! My Lawson sure is special for so many reasons. I'm so thankful for him and hope that he has the happiest of birthdays tomorrow! :)